Nobody knows...

...the trouble I've seen.  Sure, my book outlines some of the crazy details of my dating life.  I have seen and experienced enough to make Terri McMillan's movie look like "The Princess and the Frog".  People ask me all of the time to write another book, or do a screenplay.  I am honored that my foibles are interesting enough that some may want to dig deeper (or maybe get a laugh out of it) but the truth of the matter is, none of it was fun at the time.  

I have seen and experienced more than my fair share of drama:
    - drama at home
    - drama in the workplace
    - drama in the "Church"
    - drama with "friends"
Is that possible?  I mean, can you really have a "friend" who gives you drama?  What about the "Church"?  Isn't that supposed to be a place of healing and demonstration of the love of Christ???  Who are all these "Super Saints" telling folks off via scripture???  Sometimes I scratch my head when I see postings on Facebook from folk who are only two temptations or one divorce away from being "front page news" themselves.  Scary!

I don't know about anyone else, but I go to work everyday to make a comfortable living for my family, and hopefully to make a difference in this world.  I don't go to work for confusion, strife, backbiting, and honestly until recently - to make friends.  I work my "natural behind off", and try to do EVERYTHING with excellence, and achieve every goal set in front of me.  Just like Nike, I like to make a plan and "just do it".  And often I've failed.

Nobody knows that trouble I've seen.  I don't brag that my trouble is the worst in the world.  I know that just when you think you've got it bad, there is always someone else out there who has it worse off than you.  

Sometimes it feels like reality bites.

But I want to share another reality.  This is the good news:  

•    Had I found my Prince Charming at the age of 23 like I wanted to, I likely wouldn't have been beaten up, cheated on, and gone through all of the drama I went through.  I may not have had the opportunity to write "Real: The Truth about Being Single" When I think about how I have grown, and also as a potential wife, I thank every man who helped me become the confident, loving person I am today.  A lady who has learned how to embrace true love and not store-bought foolery.  I am thankful for my reality.
•    Had my boyfriend not left me for a woman who had a J.D. because, as his "High Society" family said, "Kelly only has a job, but she has a CAREER." I would have never pushed on to advance my education in an attempt to prove his family wrong.  I now have an MBA from a top business school and a career.  Today, what does he (or his family) have that is meaningful?  Oh YES!  I am thankful for my reality.  
•    Had I not experienced the pain of being hurt by those who I called, "friend" I would have never developed the spirit of discernment.  I always knew to pray about everything and everyone, but often I went into friendships and business with people who were just nice people.  Who knew that your friends could be the ones to hurt you the most?  Not your enemies, but your friends??.  As I continue to give of myself, forgive, and appreciate my smaller "drama-free" circle, I am thankful for my reality.  
•    Had I not experienced that unnecessary drama in the workplace, I would never be able to talk to other professionals who are struggling in their roles.  Those who are dragging themselves out of bed everyday, because they don't want to go to work.  Those who are on sleep medications or indulging in too much alcohol or taking it out on their families because they can't stand their working environment.  Who knew I would ever have a story to tell?  And over the years, I have made some amazing friendships with people who I can honestly say I LOVE with all of my heart.  I am thankful for my reality.
•    Lastly, the "Church" led me to a book called, "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse".  The book changed my life, and helped me to walk in love and grace - and to know Jesus for myself.  He is a Wonderful Counselor (and my BFF).  Yes - I am thankful for my reality.

The truth is, God allows us to go through challenges and disappointments in life so that we can turn around and comfort others with our testimony.  I feel prepared to go on any talk show and comfortably speak about so many different topics:  Dating, Corporate America, Entrepreneurship, Single Parenting, God's love, being an Independent Recording Artist, etc.  Not because I have a Phd, but because I attended the prestigious "School of Hard Knocks", took the same classes three or four times, went to remedial school, and finally made the declaration that I am going to not only survive but SUCCEED!  And no drama can separate me from the love of God nor cancel His purpose for my life.  In fact, the drama pushed me closer to my destiny in Him!  Hallelujah!  

So I am walking in victory today!  None of it was a mistake.  Look at me!  I live an amazing life.  Not one of great wealth (like I formerly had), but one filled with the riches of Gods love, His grace, His mercy, and His direction every day.  When I read your comments, emails and cards, I KNOW I am blessed!  People say, "Look at you Miss Kelly, L.A. has been good to you!  You are glowing!"  In response, I say, "God has been good to me!"  And to know God isn't even finished with me yet????   Bring it ON!  Come what may, I have learned to be content no matter what state I am in.

Whatever challenge you are facing, lean on God and trust that He is using this situation for a purpose.  It may take years for you to finally understand, but know that one day it will all make sense.  I am praying for you.




And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death  (Rev 12:11)

Last week, I blogged about my evening out where I saw "The Top 100 Greatest Looney Tunes", and how I was learning daily that the simple things in life are simply amazing.  This week, allow me to share some insight I gleaned after viewing those cartoons after all of these years.  It is interesting how life lessons emerge from the simple things (like a cartoon designed for kids).

I recall watching one of my favorite characters:  Henery Hawk.  Remember Him?  Henery was on a mission to bring home a chicken.  He was on fire!  His mama told him he needed to go out and bring home a chicken.  Henery was off and running!  

Henery asked an animal where was the chicken, and the "chicken" pointed to the dog.  So, Henery went after the dog with a passion.  He was going to get his chicken!  In the end, Henery ends up caging the dog, a horse and the chicken, bringing them ALL home.  He said, "One of these is a chicken!"  He took it all!  Henery was a little "firecracker" and he had confidence and strength to boot.  

It reminded me of the days when I was determined to get it all.  I worked four jobs.  I owned and managed several rental homes.  I rarely slept.

It reminded me of how I currently try to balance being Employee, Ambassador for Christ, Volunteer, Singer, Author, Filmmaker and Blogger.  I want it all for the glory of God!  And so far, I am "keeping all of the balls in the air" so to speak.  God willing, I can continue.

I want to encourage you today to go after whatever you desire with passion!  Go after it and claim what is yours!  You may have to go after a few things until you discover which one is the right one for you (i.e. the real "chicken").  The thing is:  go for it with confidence and passion!

How many people do you know who always talk about doing stuff, but never accomplish it?  Every year they talk about what they are going to do, but it never materializes.  Is it because they lack ambition?  Of course not!  I believe they often lack the drive and the tenacity to follow through to make it happen.  Or, they may be immobilized by fear and uncertainty.  But the reality is, (trust me) most of us don't have financial resources to start our businesses, but we just start small with what we have.

If you are struggling to get started, let me offer some advice - pray about everything first and let the Lord lead you.  Go online and find social networking groups of people who are passionate and/or experts in the area you wish to pursue.  It is rare that you have an idea that no one else has thought of.  Check the Internet, and obtain the knowledge that you need to get started.  If you are afraid of failure - as Sam Fulwood from The Plain Dealer Newspaper said to me in 2003, "How will you know if you can be a success or a failure if you don't try?  Let's do this, let's get started and see what happens."  I tell this story because his words inspired me to get started.  But don't just start - FINISH.  

If you don't know how to write a business plan, or the thought of heaps of paperwork scares you, visit your local small business resource center for help.  At a minimum, do a One Page Plan, and get moving!  Start small, and add on from there.  The point is, go forth with boldness pursuing whatever is your passion!  And by seeking God first, you can rest assured that he will take care of things - in His timing.  Henery was chasing a dog and a horse, but he also ended up having the chicken in his grasp.  You may pick the wrong thing on the first try, but keep trying.  Many successful entrepreneurs failed at their first 2-3 businesses until they found the one that clicked.

And if your desire is to get into ministry, start off by:
•    speaking to youth or homeless people
•    striking up a conversation at the bookstore.  
•    just being nice to everyone around you:  The server at Bob Evans who won't smile, the junkie who whistles to you on the street, the gardener who waters the plants at your apartment complex.  I bet for some of us in ministry, being nice to everyone will be an interesting first step.  (no I am not laughing)  
•    volunteering at your local City Mission.  
•    volunteering in your local church leading a home group or bible study.  

Gain the experience, wisdom and understanding of what it takes to follow your calling.  Of course, please realize that you are about to really "set the devil off", so be prepared and armed.  Next, press forth with courage!

Lastly, if your desire is a good man, let me say this - WAIT with boldness!  Don't settle for the "okey doke".  Don't tell yourself that you should be quiet and accept some forms of nonsense because "at least he does..." wait for IT ALL!  I am not taking about human flaws.  He has to put up with yours also.  But don't settle for any level of disrespect.  Keep it moving and wait for your "1 Corinthians Love".  

I am determined to have it all, an impactful ministry that gives Jesus the fame, a successful career, a huge financial legacy to leave for many people all over the city of Cleveland, and the love of my life who respects and adores me, EVERY day.  Just call me Kelly "Henery Hawk" Chapman.

Please let me know how things are going, and I pray you have much success.



Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart  (Psa 37:4)
This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. O LORD, save us;
O LORD, grant us success. Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD.
From the house of the LORD we bless you. (Psa 118: 24-26)

I am still on this journey that I spoke about before: trying to understand how to be available for everything and everyone, and yet figure out how to stay healthy. The last time I blogged on the subject, my body just wouldn't let me sleep. This weekend, I suffered through an excruciatingly painful headache and nausea. On Sunday, I thought I was hitting the streets after church.

Nope.

I was in so much pain I slept until 6:30 PM only waking to eat. I guess it still wasn't time for Kelly Chapman to "do LA".

On Monday, I felt MUCH better. I remembered the fallen soldiers, and I pulled out that grill! Cheeseburgers, Baked Beans, Corn on the cob... oh-YEAH! Then it was time to hit the amazing PCH (I think I am the last to know, but just in case, it stands for the "Pacific Coast Highway"). What a beautiful time of peaceful refreshment, people watching, and a time to just enjoy the ride.

I spent time with my Mom selecting the College Scholarship recipients for my annual fund at The Cleveland Foundation. It is a blessing to be able to learn about some really interesting students who have wonderful potential.

But the highlight for me was going to the Cinefamily Theater and watching "100 Greatest Looney Tunes". At one time it was a silent movie theater, and that tradition continues only on Wednesdays. This night, clips of the most memorable cartoons were shown along with several full Shorts. What fun to laugh and reminisce about my childhood memories! I even ate some of the best nachos ever at Casa Vega afterwards.

That's all folks.

No limo rides, no five star restaurants, no red carpets.

While I am grateful to have experienced all of the above, I gotta tell you - something about seeing cartoons and eating nachos with those you care about (and who care about you) seemed priceless. I mean, when was the last time you just laughed and laughed like a little kid?

What's up Doc?????

Get it in my friends. GET IT IN!

I remember a slogan my former Pastor, Randy Young used to say, "At NewSong Church we don't take ourselves very seriously. But we take God very seriously." I loved that, because after experiencing "Spiritual Abuse" in a church, it allowed me to feel like I could laugh again, and also not wallow in my failings all of the time. It freed me up to get busy spreading the GOOD NEWS, and telling folk how Jesus could love and save a wretch like me! Hallelujah!

So this weekend, find some time to do something very simple. Something that makes you laugh like a child. Maybe it is spending time with your Grandmother or your Grandfather (oh how I can't wait to see mine again!). Maybe it is taking your Mentee to see the latest Pixar movie. Or having dinner with an old friend after church. Just two hours of smiles. Get it in!

I pray that my journey will help someone along the way... I am going to see SATC2 tonight. Can't wait!

　

　

　

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones. (Pro 17:22)

 

When I think about being a single mother (and the second of any friends to have kids) I admit that I did a lot of things wrong. I tend to elaborate on those things the most. For instance: I was out in the streets at night looking for a "baby daddy" almost immediately after giving birth. I hit the hot spots, the clubs, the parties.

The Church.

Anywhere a man could be found.

I introduced too many guys into my daughters' life. I didn't always have money for a babysitter so sometimes I had to entertain at home (Not cool). I traveled for business almost all of her life, and she was accustomed to being away from me early.

But today, I want to talk about what worked. Enough self deprecation!

My daughter grew up fast, and is a very mature and grounded young lady. At the age of 13, I sent her across the world to Kenya to go to a Christian camp and stay with a girlfriend of mine. She spent three amazing weeks learning how to ride a horse from a top Chilean Horse Trainer, three amazing weeks of intense fellowship with the Lord and other kids. Three amazing weeks of learning how to eat Ostrich and Alligator - a bit more than McDonalds and pizza (my life).

She had everything she could ever ask for materially, and when times turned rough, Mommy did what she had to do to keep things afloat. Now, I send her to college with the help of an ex, my paycheck, CD sales, and the fabulous student loan system.

She had drama, but it never lasted. She was mature enough to not pick fights, and when she was bullied at school, she immediately told me about it. I taught her how to fight (yes to fight and she is a heavy handed child - whew!). But she never needed to use those skills, because when there was trouble I would personally approach the girls and "check" them (as their parents should have). Or when it was completely out of control, I had no problem calling a girls Father so he could tap that behind with a belt.

...yes A BELT.

I got it, and I passed it along to Natalie, thankfully not nearly as much.  Thank you Jesus that I had a good kid!

But most importantly, me and my family raised her in the fear and the admonition of the Lord. She was in Sunday school, Extreme Kids and Reality Youth Groups, and even on the worship team. In between that, she was in dance and several activities. She didn't have time to get into trouble (but I won't assume she didn't, as I personally could find trouble in 60 minutes and get home before anyone knew).

When I think about the good things, I am so thankful for the "Village" who helped raise my child:

• Cleveland Heights Public Schools
• Cleveland School of the Arts
• Frederick Moody and The Dance Studio
• NewSong Church
• Ecclesia Fellowship Church
• Mom, Dad, Aunt Pat, and my late Stepmother Rowena, the late Grandmommy and Grandaddy Jackson
• Val, Kelli, Kristyn, Kathy and Katherine
• Michael (She is almost a junior - THANK YOU!)

It is no joke being a single mother. I want to "tip my hat" out there to those of you who are doing it all by yourself. It was hard, even with all of the help that I had.

This weekend is Memorial Day weekend. A time when we commemorate those who fought hard for our freedoms, and who continue to fight for us every day. It reminds me of a less ominous, but different fight:

• The fight to keep our kids in school and excited about education.
• The fight to keep food on the table.
• The fight to keep other folks kids off of our kids.
• The fight to keep our kids from getting pregnant out of wedlock like we did.
• The fight to keep our minds focused on Jesus in the midst of the fight.

In closing, the Good News is: There is nothing too hard for God! When everything else fails, stop fighting and just give it all over to Him. He will open doors no man can shut. He will take care of EVERYTHING.

Let me know how you are doing, and much love and success to my single parents out there.

　

　

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. (Pro. 22:6)

 

Who loves you baby?

It is Tuesday evening, and I am on a plane back to Los Angeles.  I did what I always hope others don't do:  took off my shoes and made myself comfortable.  After all, I just ran from Concourse H to Concourse D and back to Concourse E, this proceeding a long journey from the Avis Rental Car Return and checking in a 70-pound bag.  On a high note - at this point in time, I am in a great place personally.  So, nowadays I manage to get dressed up, and put on some heels 80% of the time.  But I gotta tell you - cute doesn't work so well in the airport.  Especially when you have to switch airlines to get home.  Whew!  So "excuse me" neighbors while I stretch my toes.

I have been traveling for about three weeks, and it was an unforgettable trip!  I was able to spend time with my mother for her Birthday and Mothers Day.  I was able to partake in the weekend's festivities for my dear friend who obtained Doctor of Management Degree.  I watched the CAVS lose and cried myself to sleep.  I drove to my daughters' college, and received red roses from her upon arrival (BIG smile), and saw her BRAND NEW fabulous apartment (LHM). 

I had breakfast with someone who thinks I am beautiful with no make-up on, and an extra 15.  

In between all of that, I worked. I wrote. I spoke. I blogged. I prayed. I encouraged. I volunteered. I visited.  Plus, I tried to respond to every comment and request out there in the Social Networking World.  I love the interaction and I really want to make a difference in this world as an Ambassador for Christ.

Yet one thing I try to make a top priority is - I DO get my sleep.  Early to bed, and early to rise.

So while I sat here on this plane, I thought I would catch a good five hours of zzzzz's.  But, for some reason, my body just won't do it.  It is like I am "wired".  My body is still running and buzzing around, yet my mind is saying, "Girl use this time wisely and relax". 

It is not happening tonight.

Could it be that I am trying to do too much?  People always ask me, "How do you do all that you do?"  My response always is, "When I am awake I am usually working or doing something on behalf of Kelly Chapman Ministries.  I haven't been on a beach in years.  That is how I do it". 

My question today is:  who loves you baby? 

Do you love you? 

If you really love you, take care of yourself! 

•    Maybe you let that last ten pounds blossom into the last 30.  It is so easy once you allow
yourself to feel defeated to just put the weight back on.  I know from experience.  If you love you, at a minimum take a walk (10,000 steps) every day, and eat whole foods.  Hint, if you fast or detox for a little while, it will eliminate your cravings and you can easily jumpstart a weight loss program.  I am finishing one Thursday, and then I plan to start Robert Ferguson's Diet Free Life program.  I will let you know how it goes. 

•    Maybe you are working 80+ hours a week like me.  Can you commit to making one day a week your slow day?  Yes - this is for me also!  God declared that the seventh day was a day of rest.  Pick your day and be good to you. 

•    Maybe your nails are looking scrappy and your hair is "all over your head" because you are chasing those kids all day long.  Take 10 dollars and go get a manicure.  Seriously, or at a minimum drop your babies off at a friends house so you can relax and give yourself a mani-pedi.  Who cares if it will last for one hour, just DO IT!

•    Realize you are not Superwoman!  Sometimes, you have to say no.  Sometimes, you have to find balance between being there for everyone else, and being there for yourself.  It truly is better to give than to receive.  Yet, find a balance between giving to everyone else, and giving to yourself.  And don't feel guilty about it.  I am about to make some changes immediately.  In fact, when I finish writing this I am going to pray, and ask the Lord for guidance on what to continue to do and what to modify.  It may mean that I read all of my messages, but I no longer respond individually to everyone everyday.  It may mean that I cut back on a few trips.  It may mean that I delegate more.  I don't know.  But I am about to pray and ask the Lord to order my steps. 

The great thing about God is, when I needed help purging, He helped guide me through the process (see a previous blog for context).  And now I feel so much lighter!  So I have no doubt that He will help me find balance.  I love myself, and I need to let myself know this via ACTIONS and not words.

Maybe I will even have more time to eat right, pray more and love.

So, with that I want to say if I don't always remember a name or face out there in cyberspace, if I miss a birthday, if I don't take every phone call, if I can't always make it out to support something, or to volunteer my time, one thing is for sure - it is not for lack of desire.  It is because I want to live a long healthy life until Jesus returns or calls me home.  And I can't do that when my body is "wired" from overextension.  I hope that everyone will show me a little grace as I figure out how to find a "Kelly" day.  One even without laundry, dry cleaners, paying bills, mopping, or packing for the following week.  This feat will be interesting for sure!  

I pray that if this message rings true for you, that sometime soon you earnestly commit or re-commit to yourself, under the Lord's direction.  You deserve it!

Looking forward to camping this summer and hitting a beach somewhere.




The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way (Psa. 37:23)
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  (Matt 11:28)

I was chatting with a friend the other day who wanted to see a recently released movie. This person happened to mention that they didn't want to go see it alone.  I immediately said, "Why in the WORLD not?  Why can't you go to a movie alone?"   

I was reminded of a blind date I was on a few weeks earlier, and how the guy asked me the standard, "Why are YOU still single?" question.  As the conversation continued, we ended up talking about how I am comfortable being by myself until I am with the right guy.  I talked about how I take myself out to dinner, to the movies, etc.  He seemed perplexed at the thought, and I recall we spent 20 minutes debating me being "Ms. Independent" and "Ms.I Don't Need a Man".

Really?  

Is it REALLY about me being "Ms. Independent", and "Ms. I Don't Need a Man?".  

Do I NEED a man?  Well, let's clarify needs.  In my view, a need is something you require in order to survive.  I wrote about this in my book.  Needs are food, water, clothing, shelter, cash, etc. The Lord.  I need those things!  Some might argue that I need a man because I need sex.

...well.  

And thank you Lord for this time of self-control which I don't take lightly, lest I judge someone else and fall myself.  (Sounds like a good blog topic entitled, "Fallen Judges" but I digress...)

So at this point in my life, I am intentional about relationships.  I have very few moments during the day when I am not working.  Therefore, I must be intentional about how I spend my free time. Allow me to share some GOOD NEWS: it is amazing what actually can happen when you are alone!

During my alone time I can read a good book.  Right now, I am reading, Leading on Empty, by Wayne Cordeiro.  I need more alone time so I can FINALLY finish it.  When I am alone:

• I can hear things in the silence- I notice the birds chirping, and the dogs barking
• I smell the candles in the living room
• I can overload on HGTV if I want to
• I notice the Opossum creeping across my porch railing in the dark - EEK!  
• I can ask the Lord questions, and tell him my problems  
• I can give myself a thorough, manicure, pedicure, body scrub, and facial  

I can listen to "Joe" sing to me over and over

I could go on and on.  That time can be OH SO GOOD!

If I am always on the phone, always spending time with some "gap filler", always in need of three girlfriends to go out to dinner with, when do I have have time to notice God's splendor?  When do I have time to get to know me?  How do I even know who I am when no one is around?  

Question of the day:  Do we have people around us all of the time because we don't like who we are when we are alone?  Think about it.  Do you like you?

I actually think I am a lot of fun in my own quirky way.  And if I spend my time with random brothers just because - as they say, "You never know what might happen if you give it time", I may be in the wrong position to meet the one who actually stirs my heart.  The one who actually thinks I am beautiful even when my weight swings up or down 15 pounds, or when I don't have on any make-up, or when I am cranky after a tough day.  Yes - how can I meet him if I am too worried about being alone.

I recently chatted on Facebook about the "wing man".  Someone suggested you should have a man on your arm to get attention from other men.  I smiled at the thought, but after continued reflection, I don't want any distractions.  I choose to be intentional.

So my blind lunch date and I "texted" a few times (no comment) and that was it.  It's all good.  I hope I continue to turn off random brothers with my intentional approach, or my extra 10-15 pounds in Hollywood.    

Here is my most important point, after all of these years I MADE it!!  I am officially Society's "Old Maid", and I haven't died from being alone.  I actually have had an AMAZING life.  I have been to almost every Continent in the World, given time, talent, and treasure to the poor, and raised a good kid.  And I met the best Man ever - Jesus!  So realize girlfriends, you made it this far, so KEEP GOING!  

In closing, take time out for you today.  If you go to the movies by yourself, it is not because you are a loser.  Lose that thought!  Put on a dress and some strappy heels and take yourself out to the nicest restaurant in town.  You never know who you might meet while you sit alone.   Don't wait for anyone to treat you well - you treat yourself well.  Today!

In Sisterhood and Single-hood...




Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen.  (Matt 28:20)

I was watching the news this week and was saddened to hear about the star athlete Yeardley Love who was allegedly murdered by her boyfriend, George Huguely. I mourn with her family and the entire UVA community. It reminded me of so many other women and men killed by their "love".

As the author of Real: The Truth about Being Single, it also reminded me that "there but for the grace of God...

Yup.

Please take a moment to read a very good book, Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them by Dr. Susan Forward and Joan Torres. In 1998, my Therapist recommended it to me after I sought counseling to get the strength not to go back to my ex-boyfriend. What I realized after reading the book is that abuse starts off so subtle that you don't even realize it is happening unless you've seen it before. If you haven't seen it before, you often end up trying to prove yourself and explain yourself all of the time. You may even begin to feel badly about your behavior (often when you didn't even do anything). It is so illogical, and I believe that is why it can happen to anyone - the most educated person can be a victim of "Script-Flipping". So the text reasonated with me as the author spoke of highly successful women coming into her office in a "disheveled state".

She told my story.

A word of love to my sisters - love is a beautiful thing. We often don't recognize the sneaky "bad seed" disguised as love. He comes on so strong, wants all of your time, becomes incredibly jealous, and then unbelievably controlling. And he "turns it on and off" for your friends and family. What a charmer! That is how he won you remember? Here is the thin line: You swing from the best, most romantic dates of your life to the worst, most violent dates. A rollercoaster ride of passion and terror.

Yet I bring good news: If you have any signs of a controlling relationship, you can "cut your losses" early and maybe save your sanity and your life. Yes, you CAN leave!!! Simple but profound. I haven't found any articles that offer a cure for Narcissism and Misogony. Therefore, you should get away NOW! Often he doesn't even realize what he is capable of in a fit of rage.

You should tell somebody who can get you help and/or protection. In my case the Police Chief sided with my abuser as he accused ME of being violent, just five minutes after he kicked me in the face. And my "love" beat me, all because he wanted to check my voicemail. YES over checking each others voicemail.

Please contact a domestic violence shelter. They are experts in this field, and can help you with the best survival and exit strategies. Pray without ceasing. Move out of town... Yes - MOVE!

Don't let him or her cry or apologize profusely... Forgive the person and RUN!!!

Having remained in my sorry "relationship" until it became even more ridulous I judge no one who doesn't have the strength to leave. I just pray a hedge of protection over you right now and may Angels watch over you day and night.

...until you have the strength to "lace up the track shoes" yourself.

I pray I can save - at a minimum, one life today. Please let me know if I am talking to you and if you need help via fan@kellychapman.net. Also please let me know if you got away and how you did it.

Remember, you are not crazy... The situation is crazy and he is making you think it is you. I repeat- It is NOT YOU! SAVE YOURSELF. I don't care how good the sex is, or if he pays all of your bills --- RUN.

Keeping it real today. 1 Cor 13 talks about love being "long suffering". I twisted that scripture to find a reason to stay. Love is NOT controlling, mean or abusive.

Here is even BETTER news: in the future, you will smell controlling and abusive behavior "three miles away" the next time. Yes, you will be better and stronger my friend! Just RUN!

I hope to hear from you on this side of heaven. Be STRONG!

The blessing of the LORD, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it. (Pro 10:22)

Wise Words for Singles

This week, I would like to begin dialogue about dating, and being single.  We've all heard from the experts who can speak from their own successful courtships and marriages, who admonish us to:

"Wait on the Lord",
"Delight yourself in the Lord"
"No fornication"  

Got it - box checked.  Wise words, and thank you!

So today, I want to take a moment, and share additional wisdom with each other, that will encourage us in our single walk, and also help us to navigate the new "state of dating".  

Yes, the new "state of dating".  Technology has opened up an entirely new paradigm for connecting, courtship - and even marriage.  On FACEBOOK, I noticed that people are exchanging their vows and declaring themselves married via technology.  Who knew? Anyway, let's be real on here, and give each other some effective tactics that help us to honor ourselves and ensure that we get what we deserve from a potential relationship.  Today, I have three to share:

To begin, I find it unacceptable to wait longer than 15 minutes for a date.  If a man wants to be with me, he should be soooo excited that he gets there early.  It's firstly, about respect.  It is disrespectful for a man to show up at his convenience after asking me out.  Nope, I am not having it.  I will be gracious, but surely, it won't happen again.

Secondly, I think it is unacceptable to not have a plan when I am invited on a date.  And when I say "plan", I mean, "What time will you pick me up?" or "What time will we meet?"  Ladies, what time is too late in your mind to have someone call you to go out?  Mine is 6 PM.  If we are planning to see one another, I should know what time you are meeting me by 6 PM at the latest.  Then I will be able to answer basic questions like:

Should I continue to starve myself or eat?  
Should I put a dress on or wear jeans?    

It's just common courtesy and respect. So if a brother is too busy to make a basic plan, I am not having it.  I will be gracious, but surely, it won't happen again.

Finally, my third one is texting.  Those OH SO IMPORTANT BROTHERS who can't seem to put the phone down.  These self-absorbed brothers who are likely NOT EVEN HANDLING BUSINESS while they are on a date with you.  NO - I am not having it.  Firstly, you are likely texting some other woman, and secondly, if you are not attracted to me enough to put the phone down for an hour - baby we can just GO!!!   Yes I am GOOD on that.

You have so much business to conduct with your important self.   But "ain't nobody" busier than Kelly Chapman.  Want to compare notes??  Just try me.
Yes, I understand you are so attractive that you clearly have plenty of females.   But, let me bring you up to speed and allow ME to share - "ain't nobody" lonely over here either.    Whether I date other men, or I spend the time with Jesus, I am content.

So if 60 minutes of uninterrupted time is too long, baby let's just end it early and agree that it was "REAL."  You do not have to like me.  I am still happy with me.  But you WILL respect me.

That's FOR REAL girlfriends!  Next thing you know your husband will be TEXTING during SEX.  I mean REALLY??  When is an appropriate hour of time to turn off the phone???  If he can't figure it out, he is NOT THE ONE!  

I will be gracious, but... (you know the rest).

So, let's take a moment to chat with one another today.  What are your FACEBOOK or MYSPACE protocols? Church?, etc.  Leave a quick tip.  

Most importantly, I want to encourage my sisters today that you are a woman of WORTH.  I don't care how many brothers don't recognize it.  You don't need 50 to think you are fine.  Just wait for THE ONE!  He will treat you like you deserve to be treated.  He won't be "Mr. Right Now" or "Mr. Meantime."  He will be "Mr. Right ON TIME".  And whatever time that is, it is better than wasting 5 minutes on some mess.  

Expect RESPECT.  ...and you pay it forward to the sister who has to deal with him after you.  Thank you in advance!

Your turn!  Thanks Sisters!



Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.  (Pro 4:7)
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.  (Pro 4:23)
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  (Phil 4:11)

Something Stinks!

Normally, I share all of my deep dark secrets, but this week let's do something different.This weeks blog is written with hopes that many of us will take a moment to turn the lens on ourselves, and make the world a better place.  

I recall a flight that I took one evening from Detroit to Seattle.  I boarded the Northwest Airlines flight as usual, but something was VERY different.  As I walked into the First Class cabin, I smelled fish.  And it was STRONG!  My first reaction was to look around the cabin for the culprit.  I found a woman in 3B and shot her a "look".  Yes it was the wide-eyed, "Really?" face.  I then took my seat in 1A, and struck a defiant pose of "It isn't me" just in case someone was about to shoot ME a look when they boarded the plane as well.

Honestly, it was so strong, for a moment, I would have believed it was me.  PHEW!!!!  It was ridiculous!

Finally, someone said something to the flight attendant and I heard her say, "I know.  I am so sorry, but we had a fish shipment in the cargo area on the way here."  I was horrified that an airline would put fish on the same plane as passengers???  

...and I felt bad about accusing the lady in 3B.

When I received my luggage it REEKED!   I mean it was "hummin" as my late Grandmother Edith would say.  I threw the stinky 70 pound roller bag into the trunk of the SUV, and drove to the W Hotel in downtown Seattle.  Now, the W has a wonderful ambiance:  great music, dim lights, and candles galore.  A beautiful fragrance embraces you when you enter the lobby.  Then, here I come, like Pig Pen from the Peanuts characters with my funk surrounding me at every turn.  I immediately wanted them to know, "It isn't me!  It's my luggage!  I don't smell like that!  It ISN"T ME EVERYONE!"

The front desk offered to take the bag and air it out for 24 hours.  They even gave me a spray deodorizer to use on it.  Suffice it to say, nothing worked.  Everything on the inside of the bag smelled foul as well. When I returned to Cleveland, I had to throw many items away, and I ended up buying a new bag.  It was THAT bad.

Something stinks.  

Is it YOU?

Yes, I said it.  This week is about self examination.  Again, I ask, is it you?  

Are you hurling hurtful comments at someone you care about?  
Are you discouraging your child from following their dreams by being negative?  
Are you telling your child he is just like his shiftless father?
Are your relishing in the new piece of gossip you just learned?  
Are you putting someone else down before others in order to make yourself look good?
Are you a Boy playing "Text Roulette" with ten different Women just because you can?
Are you a controlling and abusive Man?
Are you a Black Woman who can't get along with other Black Women?

Something stinks.

Yep.

And the thing about it is, we can act like, "It isn't me!", but the stench follows you... Your funk leaves a nasty film in its wake, and it can remain for a long time.

The mean comment stings like salt in a wound for weeks.
The gossip gets twisted and turned around with each new person who tells it, until finally the story isn't even CLOSE to being true anymore.  
The "lucky" woman you selected in your Text Roulette circle comes over at midnight and gives you HIV.  
Your son struggles in school, or on the job because you spoke failure into his life instead of victory.  
The Black Woman spends lonely weekends, being mad at everyone else but herself.

I know.  You say, "It isn't me!"  

YES it is!!!  WE SMELL YOU!

Here is the fantastic news!  Today God smiled upon you.  He gave you another day to wake up in your RIGHT mind.  And get it RIGHT.  

Today, is the day to "get that dirt off your shoulder".  And yes - its YOUR OWN this time.

Take a moment, to think about people who you may have hurt recently.  You never know how your off-color remark, or statement of your opinion can affect someone's confidence, self-esteem, next relationship, reputation or success.  Today is the day to CHECK YOURSELF.

... and I will check MYSELF also.  

I encourage you today, to clean yourself up by first seeking God, repenting and allowing him to be a lamp unto your feet and a light unto your path.  Ask Him to help you to be salt and light in this dark world.  Read scriptures in the bible about the Fruit of the Spirit or the importance of a good name.  Read about love, and commit to demonstrating it to those whom you love.  Apologize to those you've offended, attacked or hurt.  Make every effort never to do it again.

It is really that easy!  When you let every word you speak be seasoned with salt, you are a magnet for good people and good things to happen to you.  Just watch how God will change things for you when you deposit good seeds

 And just like that old piece of luggage that is thrown away, you can start anew, and it doesn't matter who believes you.  You just keep on choosing to do the right thing my friend!

Can I get an AMEN, somebody?

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. (Proverbs 12:18)

Whew!

I returned from Europe a few weeks ago, and it has taken me quite some time to get back to normal.  I found myself going to sleep very early, waking up in the middle of the night, and dragging all day long.  I started to fall behind, just doing the bare necessities:  work, cook, clean and sleep. 

Two weeks later, I was still sleepy.  I was behind on writing my blog, I hadn't posted much on my social networking pages.  I actually became the Facebook "voyeur" who I claimed to detest -- LOL.  No energy, no creativity, I was even feeling a bit like I was "going through the motions with the Lord" for a minute.  LIke, yes I was praying and yes I was going to church and yes I was encouraging others, but like Mary Mary sings - it was SLOOWWW MOTION.

So, when I finally decided to talk about it online, I made the following post, "Hey everyone, I am still jet-lagged."  The next post was, "Hey everyone, I am STILL jet-lagged".  Finally, a voice spoke to me and said, "This isn't jet lag, this is self-pity.  You had a rough week, and you are choosing to be defeated.  You are choosing to let life's circumstances keep you from realizing your potential."

Nawww... I am not depressed.  I am still acting silly with girlfriends.  I am still taking my mentee to to the movies, visiting my mom, donating my time, praying for people, meeting girlfriends for tea, getting my taxes done, working, etc. 

"But you are in BED in between all of those things."

Hmmm... good point.

Looking back, I realize that sure - it is ROUGH coming back from overseas to Pacific Standard Time.  Make no bones about it!  But I was using that as an excuse to be lazy.  I stopped exercising.  I would just cook, and go to bed.  I was "laying low" because of a few bumps in the road which I was allowing to suck all of my energy.

Now to be clear, I think sometimes we all need to just rest.  I am ALWAYS on the go, and even my recent vacation didn't involve sitting on a beach and getting spa treatments.  It was sightseeing, singing, and trying to remember my French so I could get around the city (which also eats up alot of mental energy).  But the issue is when rest becomes the inability to move forward - that is a problem. 

Are you by chance dealing with something or someone who is wearing you down?  Is the "Happy Face" on the verge of cracking?  Yep, I think that is what happened to me.  I normally put on the whole armour of God (Eph 6:10-18) and I am able to stand amidst alot of foolishness. 

But I think when I came back from Europe, I was tired and I forgot to put it back on.  Next thing you know, like Cameo sings, "Reality steps in and shocks you RIGHT BACK INTO THE PRESENT".  I wasn't prayed up like I needed to be.  I had prayed but not fervently.  I left myself open for the "attacks".  And my response was to just...

...well - to just sleep.

But the still small voice said, "GET UP!  You've got a lot to do!"  Next, while I am driving down the street, the radio station plays Mary Mary's "Get up".  I had watched the video on BET several times, and for some reason I never really gave it my full attention, nor listened to the words (as much as I love their music).  But this time, it was like the words JUMPED out of the dashboard of the car. 

I am delighted to say, I am BACK ON TRACK!  Hallelujah!

How did I do it?  First of all, I prayed.  I prayed the scriptures:

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Phil 4:13)

The Armour of God (Eph 6:10-18) and finally,

"But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strenghten, settle you. (I Peter 5:10 - Thank you Carmen for this scripture!)

Then I GOT UP!  I started riding my bike everywhere.  I rode it to the Post Office, to the Grocery Store, to the Office, etc.  It is amazing how exercise can change your energy and attitude!  I walked down the street, got out of the house, got dressed up and took myself out to dinner.  I have been listening to the song.  And now, I feel GREAT!

The lesson is: it is so easy to allow our circumstances to affect our ability to stay in our purpose and calling.  Even those of us who know the Lord are tried and tested.   Every day, you have to be armed and prepared.  Because whenever there is a "hole" the enemy is going to try to get in it.  So put on the Armour of God with intention every day.  Secondly, whatever you are going through, shake it off and GET UP!  Don't waste any of your glorious breathing time here on earth giving place to the devil. 

No "woe is me's"
No "Why does this always happen to me?",
No "I am sick and tired of..."

NO you are NOT SICK, nor are you TIRED.  Reject that statement and SPEAK LIFE!

So I hope I have helped someone to get up today.  For those of us who are not clinically depressed and in need of medication, we can beat any minor setback with our faith and with the Word.

Please check out Mary Mary's song on youtube.  I pray that it blesses you:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgtMHdir_7A

And don't forget my weekly youtube segment, "Get Your Praise On Mondays".  Just search for kcministry on youtube and you will find me. Or click below.

http://www:youtube.com/kcministry

Blessings and Love!